


forever, this time

by sanguinetti



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alistair Dies (Dragon Age), Angst, Grey Warden Alistair (Dragon Age), M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Here Lies the Abyss, anders/ female hawke mentioned, bioware ripped my heart out and stomped on it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 13:03:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21374581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguinetti/pseuds/sanguinetti
Summary: Silas Tabris and Zevran receive letters regarding their lover, Alistair. The news they received was not what they were hoping for.
Relationships: Alistair/Tabris (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Zevran Arainai/Warden, Zevran Arainai/Warden
Kudos: 5





	forever, this time

**Author's Note:**

> I was really in my feels about Here Lies The Abyss and my warden so I wrote this.

Four letters had arrived that evening for the warden and Zevran. They had arrived later than Silas thought when they looked at the dates they were sent. 

_ Nearly two weeks ago? That's absurd.  _

Zevran was tending to the fire while Silas was draped across their bedroll. He opened the envelope that was from Alistair first, far more eager to read it than the Inquisitor's. Not that he had a particular problem with Zathrion, they had mutual respect due to their being elves in positions of power. This was the second time Alistair had written since Silas and Zevran left Fereldan and Alistair behind with the Inquisition. 

Silas beckoned Zevran over before he read the letter and they eagerly read the contents before them. 

_ My loves,  _

_ I write this with a slightly heavy heart as I'm not sure what's to come. We're going to Adamant fortress (you know the one, right Silas?) to catch a Magister and get a lead on Corypheus. The moment we laid eyes on the Inquisitor, I knew it wasn't going to end well for us. How? I'm not sure but I feel like I may find out soon. We can never get a moment of peace, can we? _

_ I'm probably just being paranoid but I just wanted to tell you both that I love you more than anything one last time just in case. Should this actually go our way, I'll be joining you after this regardless of anything else that may come up. I can't stand to be away from you two any longer if I'm being honest. Plus, I'm eager to see if we can find this cure. I'd like to live more than another decade with you two. Especially since we'd be leaving Zev all by his lonesome and we can't have that, can we? He'd have no help in taking down the Crows  _ <strike> _ and Silas and I would have no help with our potential nug farm! _ </strike> _ Truly unspeakable.  _

_ Anyway, if I don't return, take the nugs from Oghren.  _ <strike> _ I still can't believe we let him watch them. Silas, you're positively insane. _ </strike> _ Put them in the chest carriers I made like we discussed and carry on with your business. You know how anxious Fish gets when we're away.  _

_ In all seriousness, I want both of you to have a good life with or without me. You're all that matters to me now. As much as I'd love to live out the rest of our lives on a farm in the middle of nowhere together, all three of us know that that might not be plausible.  _

_ Take care of each other and never stray too far from one another either. We all know what happens when we do.  _ <strike> _ This, for example. Please excuse the tear stains if you see them. I’m so sorry. _ </strike> _ Take care of Fish and Ham. I'll miss them.  _ <strike> _ Maker, I'm going to miss you two as well. _ </strike> _ Maybe I'll meet Barkspawn on the other side, yeah? I miss her too. I'll give her your regards if I see her.  _

_ Silas, I hope you're right about that cure for your sake, the wardens', and potentially mine. _

_ I love you both so much. Be safe. If I'm ever with you both again, it will be forever this time... _

_ Yours truly,  _

_ Alistair _

Silas and Zevran were silent for a moment after they read the letter, simply staring at it with solemn expressions. Silas was the first to look away and looked at Zevran.

"I'm sure he's just being paranoid, right Zev?" Silas asked, their voice shaky and threatening to give up on them as they began to cry. 

"I don't know, amor. I hope so. Let's read the other one." Zevran replied, rubbing Silas's back soothingly. 

Silas simply nodded and quickly opened the other letter. 

_ I'm not going to bother starting this formally as I can't bear to keep this from you two longer than I have to.  _

_ Warden Alistair sacrificed himself to save us in the Fade yesterday.  _

_ I had to make a choice between him and The Champion of Kirkwall. I would have stayed had it been a feasible option. But with this mark on my hand, that was a choice I, unfortunately, could not make. I know there's nothing I can say to console you or justify myself, but I'll give you my reasoning anyway.  _

_ Kainan Hawke has a family, Anders, their  _ ** _child_ ** _ to tend to and I couldn't bear to tear that apart. I’ve lost my family before and I couldn’t inflict that pain on her. I just couldn't. I'm sorry.  _

_ He said to tell you that he loves you both and that he's sorry he couldn't make it back.  _

_ You have my deepest condolences and if there is anything I can do for the two of you, please do not hesitate to ask.  _

_ Regretfully, _

_ Inquisitor Zathrion Lavellan _

There was a deafening silence between the two as the letter slipped out of Silas's fingers. The grief was immediate and enveloped them both. There was no stage of denial as they both knew that was pointless. Their worst nightmare had come true.

Silas was the first to cry out as their despair quickly swallowed them whole. Their screams rustled the birds in the forest surrounding them out of the trees and echoed across the entire area. 

Zevran was quiet for a time, simply staring at the fire and listening as Silas nearly lost their mind right beside him. His gaze eventually turned to Silas before he wrapped his arms around them, pressing them to his chest as he finally let the tears flow. 

The two sat there for what felt like hours as Zevran rocked them back and forth while Silas let out muffled sobs and screams into his chest. 

"It was supposed to be forever. We were all supposed to be together.  _ We _ were gonna be a family." Silas sobbed miserably, finally wrapping their arms around Zevran's torso. 

"I know, amor. Trust me, I know." Zevran mumbled, petting their long wavy hair, hoping to provide some level of comfort. 

It had been a long time since Zevran felt this empty. He had spent the last 11 years with the loves of his life and thought it would last forever after Silas found the cure. Though even if they didn't find it, he'd follow them to the Deep Roads anyway. He now found this sentiment stupid because nothing ever really went their way since the Blight, something always came up or they had other duties to attend to. It had been sweet for a time but now it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He blew a sigh as he looked at the remaining letters laying by their feet. They were from Leliana and Morrigan. Probably to send their regards about Alistair, he figured. 

Silas was utterly inconsolable for the rest of the night. They eventually peeled themself away from Zevran to read the letters from Leliana and Morrigan. Zevran was right about the topic of the letters. Though, it was surprising to them both to see Morrigan expressing sadness over Alistair’s death. Silas figured it was because they would be upset, not that Alistair actually passed. Leliana was kind as usual, offering anything she could and expressing grief over his death. 

Silas burnt all of the letters except for Alistair’s. They tucked that one in their journal along with the pressed rose. They hadn’t felt anything remotely close to this level of despair since their mother passed away when they were a child. But even that was diluted since they could barely remember it. They could easily consider this the worst pain they had ever felt. 

The three of them were supposed to get a farm in the middle of nowhere after Silas found the cure for the Calling. That way, they and Alistair could live out the rest of their lives without the worry of leaving Zevran behind and dying alone in the Deep Roads, cold and eventually forgotten. They were going to get more nugs for Fish and Ham so they wouldn’t get lonely like Alistair was so worried about. They were going to live free of the Crows together and let Zevran finally find peace. 

They were supposed to be happy. 

It was the least they deserved after the fifth blight, but the world didn't owe them anything in the long run. Though, the three of them couldn't seem to accept that at times. This was proof that it would  _ never _ get easier for them.

Not that Silas was unhappy to be with Zevran, they loved him with their entire being. But Alistair was supposed to be a part of this too. They had been planning and dreaming about this for a decade and they were so close to having it. But it was ripped away from them yet again and they’d never get it back. 

Worst of all, Alistair was gone. Forever, this time...


End file.
